You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
