Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
