just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
