This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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