I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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