We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
