nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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