her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
