I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
