you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
