ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
