he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
