escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
