Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Of course I have a pirate flag
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize