Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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