Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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