you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I will be naked everywhere
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize