??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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