Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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