Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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