My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
