I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
