There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The air taste purple.
Randomize
