if only i could text you this smell
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
