She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
