We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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