awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
