Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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