he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
