A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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