I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
they're like a gay fantastic four
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
