I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize