whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
