She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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