she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
