Kiss
Puke
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize