What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
