This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
third nipple confirmed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
