ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize