If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
