You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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