Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize