The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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