this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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