I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
