Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
