Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
