nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
