I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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