All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
