I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
