You smell like a Billy Joel song
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
