That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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