wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
