just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
True strength comes from lack of pants
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