Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize