I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
