I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The beer is more important than you right now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
