So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You made out with two different species that night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I AM VODKA MAN
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
