You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
