In the future we'll all be gay
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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