i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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