In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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