so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
