I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
