I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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