she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
