google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
