About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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