I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
someone owes me an orgasm
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
