This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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