I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
