I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
