Whod you bang
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
