just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just gift wrapped bread.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
