Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
