the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize