i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
