Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
