the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
