I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
