is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize