Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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