You're a womanizer and a bitch.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
