yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
