She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
