he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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