im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
