Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
