you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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