Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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