And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize