To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
