Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
