The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize