and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
