I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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