Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
