What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
