Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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