it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's official drugs can't kill me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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