Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
