"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
