I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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