hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
