You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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