cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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