Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
