Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
