Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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