3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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