I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
