From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
