so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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