The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
