They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
