Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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