I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
