Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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