hotel room ftw
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
FUCK WHALES
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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