We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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