they need to just BURY HIM!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
