dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
