I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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